in good repair children playing and flowers blooming Who had time for flowers now It was hard enough just finding something to eat every day She kept her head down and kicked at pebbles as she walked Here is my house The man stood before a small mud hut Five times my house has been destroyed by bombs and five times I have built it back up again he said proudly A flap of tattered green cloth covered the doorway He held it aside and motioned for Parvana to go in Here is the grieving boy he said to his wife The woman crouching over her needlework put aside her sewing and stood up Parvana was young so the woman did not put on her burqa Three small girls watched from a corner of the room As a guest Parvana was given the best spot in the dark one-room house She sat on the thickest mat on the floor and drank the tea the man’s wife brought her The tea was weak but its warmth soothed her We lost our son the woman said He died of a sickness like two of our daughters Maybe you could stay here and be our son I have to find my family Parvana said You have family besides your father
My mother my older sister Nooria my younger sister Maryam and my baby brother Ali Parvana saw them in her mind as she spoke their names She wanted to cry again She wanted to hear her mother tell her to do her chores or Nooria say something bossy or feel the little ones arms around her I have family in many places too the woman said She was about to say more when some neighbor men came into the house She quickly took her burqa down from a nail put it over her head and fetched the men some tea Then she sat in a corner quiet and faceless The men sat on the mats along the walls and looked at Parvana They had been at the graveside Do you have other family somewhere one of them Parvana repeated their names It was easier the second asked time Are they in Pakistan I don’t know where they are Parvana said My father and I traveled from Kabul to look for them They went to Mazar-e-Sharif for my sister’s wedding but the Taliban took over the city and now I don’t know where they are My father and I spent the winter in a camp north of Kabul He was ill then but when spring came he thought he was
Parvana did not want to talk about her father’s growing weakness For days it seemed as though he would die while they walked alone through the Afghan wilderness When they arrived at the village he just could not go any farther For so long now they had been wandering from village to village from temporary settlement to larger camps for people displaced by the war There were times on the journey when his cough and his weariness were so bad he could not leave the lean-to There was never much food but sometimes he was even too tired to eat what there was Parvana would scramble through the camp desperately searching for things that would tempt her father to eat but often she would come back to the lean-to empty-handed She did not speak to these men of those times She also did not tell them that her father had been in prison arrested by the Taliban for being educated in England You can stay here with us in this village one of the well enough to continue men said You can make your home here I have to find my family That is important one of the men said but it is not safe for you to wander around Afghanistan on your own You will stay here You can continue your search when you are grown
Weariness hit Parvana like a tank I will stay she said Suddenly she was too tired to argue Her head slouched down on her chest and she felt the woman in the house lay her down and cover her with a blanket Then she fell asleep Parvana stayed in the village for another week She piled rocks on her father’s grave and tried to become brave enough to leave The girls in the family helped her feel better She played string games with the little ones The older girl who seemed only a couple of years younger than Parvana went with her each day to her father’s grave and helped carry and pile the rocks to keep him safe It was comforting to have a mother taking care of her again too cooking for her and watching out for her even though it wasn’t her own mother It made her feel almost normal to be around the everyday tasks of ordinary living the cooking and cleaning As a guest she was not expected to help so she spent most of her time resting and mourning her father She was tempted to stay and be a son to the good people who had taken her in The journey ahead of her would be long and lonely But she had to find the people she belonged to She could not pass as a boy forever She was already thirteen
