Please Use Other Door Ruairi Mum shrieked over her shoulder as she reversed the car out of the driveway Is that homework on your lap It’s the last day of school before the holidays Please tell me I’m not going to get a call today It’s not homework Mum Ruairi Miller said careful not to let his parents see the sign he was writing It’s extra credit Ruairi’s big sister Dani put in It’s part of a very important and good project that Ruairi and I are doing for Mr De Villiers That’s nice you two Mr De Villiers Mum said swerving the car in too wide an arc onto the road Is he that lovely man who starts wearing Christmas jumpers the day after Halloween That’s him Dani mumbled Ah yes and he’s forever singing that one Christmas song What
is it now The Holly and the Ivy Mum said and started to hum Deck the Halls Ruairi and Dani groaned in unison Fa la la la la la la la la Mum sang Mum no Please Dad in the passenger seat came up from his smartphone and boomed Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la la la la la Mum and Dad sang together See what you’ve started Dani shot at Ruairi Mum and Dad sang on while Ruairi leaned over and whispered to his sister Mum’s right He is a lovely man We don’t need to do this Dani He needs to learn a lesson Ruairi Dani said It’s a hundred degrees out there I’m sure you’ve noticed we don’t get snow or holly or even decked halls in South Africa at Christmas Because why Because it’s summer time in South Africa in December Ruairi said Right We’re in the middle of summer Every year it’s the same From November first to the end of school we get a fa-la-la-la-la-ing reminder that we’ll never have a white Christmas chestnuts roasting on an open fire boughs of holly
Or bells that jingle Ruairi said wistfully Or bells that jingle It’s a slap in the face Ruairi it has to stop Plus it’s a joke I’m absolutely positive he’ll find it funny And he’ll be proud of us Ruairi he loves it when students work for a long time to get a project just right First he’ll laugh then he’ll be proud Ruairi whispered as loud as he could over the atonal crooning of his parents in the front I’m not so sure about that Sing we joyous all together Fa la la la la la la la la Heedless of the wind and weather Fa la la la la la la la la wafted from the front seat like a bad smell This is fun Mum said screeching the car along the avenue of the wood surrounding their school We should do a Mr De Villiers and start singing Christmas songs on the first of November every year She did a U-turn by the school gates and sang one final fa-la-la while she stopped the car As the children bundled their school bags school shoes and their project out of the car Mum said Wait neither of you have Mr De Villiers for anything Quick as lightning Dani said Mum why are you dressed in a lab
coat and Granny’s old reading glasses Audition Break a leg Dani said slamming the car door shut Bye Mum Bye Dad Dani and Ruairi shouted and ran across the empty parking lot toward the school door Dani waited until she saw the car careen back down the tree-lined avenue before she said Today’s the day Ruairi my friend Today’s the day Ruairi had been having a similar conversation with his big sister every morning for about two months Because every morning for about two months Dani had been carrying out her plan Her long-term plan Ruairi liked to remind Dani that it involved great sacrifice from him because it meant arriving at school half an hour before everyone else and that meant getting out of bed a half hour too early every day And Ruairi did not appreciate that He could have let Dani carry out her plan herself but then who would be there to talk her out of the dangerous variations or to cover for her when she nearly got caught This morning like every morning for the past two months or so Dani took a bright red jumper with a gaudy green Christmas tree on the front out of her bag and put it on She scooped fistfuls of breadcrumbs from the Ziploc bag she had concealed in her book bag Then she spread
