Glad for Mum to acquiesce and pull out the older heavier coats hanging in the hall cupboard Now sitting on the hospital verandah I smiled as I remembered the way Nan had rocked my sleepy body back and forth to wake me up I finally came up for air and murmured dopily What is it It’s so early Nan do ya have to wake me so early Ssh you’ll wake the others Don’t you remember I said I’d wake you early so you could hear the bullfrog again and the bird The bullfrog and the bird how could I have forgotten For the whole week Dad had been in hospital she’d talked of nothing else With sudden decision I leapt from my bed and shivered my body into an old red jumper Then barefoot I followed Nan out onto the back verandah Sit still on the steps she told me And be very quiet I was used to such warnings I knew you never heard anything special unless you were very quiet I pulled my hands up inside my sleeves wrapped my arms around my legs and waited The early morning was Nan’s favourite time when she always made some new discovery in the garden A fat bobtail goanna snake tracks crickets with unusual feelers myriads of creatures who had for their own unique reasons chosen our particular yard to reside in I wanted spring to last forever but it never did Summer would come soon and the grass would yellow even the carefully nurtured hospital grass wouldn’t look as green And the giant nasturtiums that crowded along 11
our side fence and under our lemon tree would disappear I wouldn’t hunt for fairies anymore and Nan wouldn’t wake me so early or so often I’d heard the bullfrog yesterday it was one of Nan’s favourite creatures She dug up a smaller motley brown frog as well and after I inspected it she buried it back safe in the earth I shivered in the early morning breeze I expected the bullfrog to be out again this morning I gazed at the patch of dark earth where I’d last seen him He’ll come out any minute I thought I felt excited This morning I was waiting for the birdcall Nan called it her special bird Nobody had heard it but her This morning I was going to hear it too Broak Broak The noise startled me I smiled That was the old bullfrog telling us he was broke again I looked up at the sky a cool hazy blue with the promise of coming warmth Still no bird I squirmed impatiently Nan poked her stick in the dirt and said It’ll be here soon She spoke with certainty Suddenly the yard filled with a high trilling sound My eyes searched the trees I couldn’t see that bird but his call was there The music stopped as abruptly as it had begun Nan smiled at me Did you hear him Did you hear the bird call I heard him Nan I whispered in awe What a magical moment it had been I sighed I was with Dad now there was no room for magic in hospitals I peered at Mum and Dad They both seemed nervous I 12
wondered how long I’d been daydreaming Mum reached over and patted Dad’s arm How are you feeling dear How do ya think It was a stupid question he never got any better Pelican shoulders I thought as I watched him hunch forward in his chair The tops of his shoulders poked up just like a pelican’s His fingers began to curl around the arms of his chair He had slim hands for a man I remem bered someone saying once Your father’s a clever lad Was that where I got my ability to draw I’d never seen Dad draw or paint but I’d seen a letter he’d written once it was beautiful I knew he’d have trouble writing anything now his hands never stopped shaking Sometimes I even had to light his cigarettes for him My gaze moved from his hands to his face It dawned on me then that he’d lost more weight and the realisation set my heart beating quickly Dad caught my gaze he was paler and the hollows under his cheek-bones were more defined Only his hazel eyes were the same confused watching me I’m making you something he said nervously I’ll go and get it He disappeared into the ward and returned a few minutes later with a small blue leather shoulder bag There was maroon thonging all the way around except for the last part of the strap which wasn’t quite finished As he laid it quietly in my lap Mum said brightly Isn’t Daddy clever to make that for you I stared at the bag I was trapped I mumbled a reluctant yes I wanted to run and fling myself on the 13
grass I wanted to bury my face so Dad couldn’t see I wanted to shout No I don’t think Daddy’s clever Anyone could have made this bag He doesn’t think it’s clever either By the time I looked up Mum and Dad were both looking into the distance Can we go now Mummy I started guiltily Had I really said that My eyes widened as I waited for their reaction Then I noticed that they weren’t even looking at me I breathed a slow sigh of relief The last time I had voiced that question out loud Mum had been cross and embarrassed Dad silent He was silent now Such sad sad eyes The visitors bell rang unexpectedly I wanted to leap up Instead I forced myself to sit still I knew Mum wouldn’t like it if I appeared too eager Finally Mum rose and while she gave Dad a cheery goodbye I slowly prised myself from my chair The backs of my legs must have looked like a crosswalk I could feel the indenta tions the hard slats had made in my skin As we walked into the ward the men called out What Leaving already You weren’t here for long little girl The Old Solider with the Fantails smiled and just as we passed through The Doors and into the empty corridor a voice called We’ll be waiting for you next time little girl Strong cool air blew through the window all the way home in the bus I kept thinking can a person be wrinkled inside I had never heard adults talk about such 14
