HAP C T E R ON E e a Pudge Onc Always a Pudge Sunday In my dreams I swim like an orca Sleek Powerful Fearless Then I wake up It’s not that I can’t swim I do okay in a pool But toss me into the Pacific Ocean and I panic There’s no way to tell what’s swimming next to you A dolphin and a shark look alike until it’s too late to escape Most people get that but my dad Not so much There’s a world beyond that basement 1
he says again and again And he’s a biologist for the Marine Mammal Center in Sausalito California He could literally write a book about the world beyond my world You could be so much more than you are he says But all I can hear is You’re not good enough And all I can think is He’s right It’s not his fault He was born to be a tan aquatic giant with both brawn and brain I was born to be Pudge That’s what he calls me It started as my mom’s nickname for a fat little toddler and it stuck even after she left us I doubt Dad even remembers my name is Austin Most days I push past his disappointment He lives upstairs I live in the basement He leaves for work at six a m I wake up at seven for school We only chat at dinner small talk How was your day Did we get any mail If my weight comes up the peace is shattered so it doesn’t come up Silence takes its place 2
Better hit the books he says when things get awkward So I head down for the night He thinks homework is hard for me but it’s not I may be fat but I’m not stupid Forty minutes and all the assignments I didn’t finish at school are done Then I’m free to play World of Warcraft my favorite video game as long as he doesn’t know about it Video games are a waste of energy he says illusions to distract you from real life He said the same thing about my art and my mother’s dream of being a singer I respectfully disagree Drawing keeps me focused Every doodle helps me learn And RPGs role-playing games are my life When I play WoW I’m the guy he wants me to be I haven’t been playing WoW long but when I sign on to the game from my laptop I am transformed I am Hippocrates an undead zombie priest and healer reanimated by the power of a banshee queen And while I’m a 3
